Being The Liberal My Relatives Hate

I haven't felt much like venting for a bit, which is somewhat surprising, considering things like the Supreme Court's decision in the Hobby Lobby case and one announcement after another from rescue groups that kittens have been found abandoned in a box near a dumpster or in the woods, or thrown from a moving car, or... Yeah. Perhaps I've been too sad or too depressed to feel I need a nice rant.

(This would be a good place to link to the piece about online outrage in the New York Times that I read a few minutes ago, but I closed that tab and can't find the damn thing on the NYT site, so... Sorry about that.)

And... I'm not truly going to rant today, either. There are a couple of things that've been on my mind recently. I'm not sure I'm prepared to write about the one—I wanted to talk about excuses and reasons and how much I hate hearing, "That's just an excuse" or "Don't make excuses" or similar things. But I missed a dose of my antidepressant because I kept putting off picking up the refill and then plain forgot to do it the day I really ought to have.

But I'm up to writing a bit about the other thing, probably because it's more related to emotions. And the other thing is, yes, being the liberal my relatives hate.

That's nice and misleading. While it's true that the vast majority of my extended family is conservative both religiously (evangelical Christians) and politically, there are a few black sheep like me and a few who seem to be tolerant and pleasant people who I don't expect to hear (or read) saying unkind things about any group. There are a few extremely vocal conservative cousins, though. And there are the people like my best friend's mom, a woman I've known for something like 15 years now and like, but who gets so worked up about socialist, evil Obama and the kind of people who voted for him that I mentally shit my pants when I think about trying to have anything remotely approaching a conversation about politics or current events with her. There are the gamefriends on Facebook, and the articles, and the blogs, and, and, and.

Same message: Liberals all want X. Liberals lie about wanting X. Liberals are idiots. Liberals are scum. Liberals are dupes. Liberals want the government (federal government) to take over everything. Liberals want to take my gun. Liberals want to tell me what to eat. Liberals want to destroy America.

[Sighs.]

I'm a liberal. I grew up in a conservative household and for some years, the word "liberal" made me very nearly as nervous as the word "demon." It was with some reluctance that I realized later on that, like it or not, I'm a liberal. I'm very liberal. I probably am a socialist. I think my immediate family has gathered this, based on a few extremely heated arguments we've had as a group, but I'm not really all that close to any of my extended family. We know each other's names, and I've gotten to know a little about a few of them through Facebook, but I haven't seen any of my cousins in years, some in decades. I'm reasonably sure not many of them are aware of much about me other than I've suffered from very long-term major depression; I don't think they're aware that I'm not a Christian or that I'm not a Republican. (Well, after a few testy comments I made, I think a couple of them might have suspicions, but they may also just be confused.) 

So, when they post a liberal-bashing meme on Facebook or link to a liberal-bashing "article", there's no reason I ought to take it personally. But I do. I can't help it. I'm genuinely hurt that someone I'm related to and care about at least enough to be interested in their life has so little respect for me, for my intelligence, for my capacity to reason, for my good intentions, for my honest struggle with so many ethical and moral and practical questions. When there's endorsement of the idea that liberals can't be trusted, that we're all insincere, merely covering up nefarious plans with "feel-good" talk, I find myself feeling... Well, it's a bit of panicked and angry reaction. I've spent a little bit of time at a couple of points in my life having to try to convince people that I was in pain and depressed and angry and not possessed by or under the influence of a demon. One of the most terrifying and helpless feelings in the world is the feeling that the person you are trying to communicate with has decided not only that you're a thorough liar, but that you're not even a human being. You aren't ignorant. You aren't misguided. You're so thoroughly bad and wicked that not word out of your mouth is sincere, not one word is worth listening to. It's a hideous, sickening feeling.

Though it's the liberal-bashing that has me writing this today, I've felt the same when reading certain things about "women" or "the mentally ill" or a number of other categories. I've also read enough links posted by other liberals to know that conservatives are often lumped into a group and demonized in a similar manner. I don't have the same personal, visceral reaction to it, but I find it just as distasteful, lazy, unreasonable, and ungenerous of spirit.

I guess the expected closing for something like this is a bit of advice, a suggestion for ameliorating the problem. I don't have one. I'm more concerned with changing my own response and with my own struggle to be understanding, to see complexities, to be patient and kind. Perhaps it's working. After the Hobby Lobby decision came out, I read this (paraphrasing): "haha. what women want vs religion freedom. which was this country founded on?" and... decided not to be a complete bitch to my cousin. Heh.