I am, sometimes, well-informed about current events, because I have phases in which I read newspapers (online) and listen to the World Service and NPR. I also have phases in which I first learn about most things because I hear or read people's responses to it. Sometimes that sends me looking for what's generating all the talk. Sometimes, as in the case of Kim Kardashian's Paper cover, that's never necessary and the parodies are much more fun, anyway. Like this one:
I haven't seen the Eric Garner video. I don't remember hearing about the incident at the time it happened. I've seen headlines about the police officer involved not being indicted, and I think I heard a piece about potential reactions either way on NPR before the news was announced. But most of what I've read in the last couple of days is people saying "How can this happen?" and "Everything is broken and needs to be fixed!" and "Oh, now white folks get it."
Which is... [shrugs]. Tiring. It's so weird that it's tiring. I can be so fucking passionate and opinionated about issues of injustice, especially systematic injustice, and at least once a month I deeply, deeply wish that I had the money and health to get through law school and work in public interest law or human rights law or something similar.
I suppose it's tiring because I don't have the energy to be passionate and angry right now, and even if I did, I wouldn't know what to do with that. I feel like there's a lot of talk and not a lot of communication, and as much as I like to vent—long gaps between posts here to the contrary—I don't feel like it right now. I want to do something.
Which is the problem. And why I'm writing this post. There've been several articles in the local newspaper about one of the local housing communities, University Village. It's overwhelmingly poor and majority (I think) black, with a higher proportion of 911 calls than it ought to have, and the local police, who are there often, meet with more skepticism and nervousness, if not outright fear, than trust. I have absolutely no idea what I, as someone who is slowly beginning to feel that I have a duty to my community whether or not this is the place above all others I would choose to live, even in northern Illinois—I have no idea what I can do to change... Anything! Bullying in the local high schools and middle schools. Hazing at NIU. Broad local indifference or opposition to gay rights. Employment of unauthorized residents. The mildly uncomfortable race relations in the area. Lots and lots and lots of people want change of one kind or another and many of them do talk about the need for change, but how the fuck do we actually make changes and how can I contribute? I have no idea.
I hate admitting that. I'm sure it's a failure of creativity and resourcefulness and intelligence on my part. At heart, I'm sure there's something I can do, if only I were able to figure out what. Maybe that makes me more of an optimist than I think I am; I have dear friends who I'm sure would look at me with mixed amusement and compassion if they read this or I said these things to them, because, in the grand scheme of things, humans mean nothing. We aren't even a blip on the universe's radar. I get that, in a sense. Sometimes it's comforting; no human evil will put out the stars and no human goodness will prolong the life of our Sun. I'm unable to abide with that, though. I can accept meaninglessness on a macro scale, but I've learned through the years and years and years of profound depression that I cannot function with meaningless on a micro scale. I can't bear to feel powerless or helpless. [Sighs.]
Well. Perhaps I'll come up with something. Or at least finish redoing the downstairs bathroom. Il faut cultiver notre jardin and all that.
